[ Funny how waking up after a pleasant night's sleep (or at least a well deserved nap, early dawn banter, and a cat nap for good measure) will make you a more functional person. A good breakfast helps too even if Hikage thinks Green Goddess is a ridiculous name for a dressing, it's actually quite good. His basic needs satisfied, he can focus on the more complicated things which is one way to describe last night.
Trying to actually describe it would likely be another disaster in itself.
Half of it he doesn't want to deal with right now, because his obstinacy is a trait that's present in all his moods. But the other half...he knows there's a few apologies he owes, and maybe some other things too. So he hits Marona up on her cellphone in the morning to ask if she wants to spend the day with him exploring some waterfall trails. He's careful to word it so that it's clear it's just the two of them. Maybe he's learning from his mistakes already?
Small talk will do while they're en route to the trail, but it'll be clear just from banal chatter that Hikage's in a much better place than yesterday. Once they're secluded among the leaves and nature, Hikage will get right into it though. ]
Hey. Last night was-sorry. There's probably some questions you have for me, right?
[The fact that he's learning is appreciated, because she really was looking forward to spending time with Hikage and not especially his attachment. She's quick to agree to go with him, or at least, as quick as she can be when she's also frankly terrible at texting. The nature is appreciated, too, even if she has a marked tendency to pause to look at certain natural life with an evaluating eye that isn't necessarily interested strictly in aesthetic.]
...A few. I really wasn't expecting to see Mr. Subete of all people, too.
[Politely neutral, but that's the usual for her, has been since long before she came to this world. It's honed by years of learning not to pick fights with the people providing the money that feeds you, no matter how disparaging they may be.]
I was surprised he wanted to come. [ That's laid bare and easy for her to hear its the truth. He...still doesn't know exactly what he's doing, just that he's doing it and this is his life now. ]
I've never had to do this before, and if it wasn't you I wouldn't bother. [ This does not bode well for his talk with Saphir but one thing at a time. ] But you deserves answers...as much as I can provide anyway.
So ask what you want, unless you want me to start there. [ On why Subete, he means. He's going to keep moving in the meantime, never getting far ahead but inspecting plants and keeping an eye out for butterflies. He just really needs to keep in some kind of motion, for his sake. ]
I think I would like to know how it started. He wasn't ever very nice to me.
[Which doesn't actually bother her in the sense that she's used to it, that's just her experience with him personally, and it shows in her actual level tone, not particularly controlled at the moment. Was he different when it came to Hikage?]
[ She really couldn't go easy on him huh. But Hikage deserves this and he did agree to it, so. He pauses awkwardly and redoubles his effort to find a butterfly in the foliage around them. ]
That's....yeah. [ Off to a great start, he swallows and then tries again. ]
It was my fault. You remember what happened to me in the second trial, right? When I woke up after that I was-it was difficult to act how I had been, up until then. Feeling despair like that just made me want to break something, and Subete, well he was himself. He made some stupid comment about my eye and knelt down to get a better look, so I just reached out and read his memories.
I'm pretty sure he threw me in response, but it was worth it to catch him off guard. It was a game, after that. I saw something I wasn't supposed to, and I just wanted to go deeper and deeper. From then on, whatever I could do to get at him I would.
[ Another pause, but the source of this one is obvious; a text message that he looks at with a huff. A short time later after tapping out a response (he's still not fast with text but he doesn't need to be if his reply is short) and he continues. ]
...I know how to court others. Love and despair can easily go hand in hand, you know? I wasn't serious when I was talking with him, I just wanted to knock him off center again. You could say a similar thing happened with Saphir too.
I'm not really sure when that changed. I was never seriously interested in a relationship, let alone one with a man. I think at some point, I realized I couldn't stop. And that I didn't want to.
[Marona's never really had friends, much less been in love. So even as he explains it, her brow furrows slightly, already trying to recontextualize it into something she's more familiar with.]
...Were you... playing a game with him? [That's what it sounds like anyway, toying with someone.] But then... your feelings turned into something more?
[ Marona may have never been in love, but she's right on the money actually. Startlingly so tbh? It throws Hikage off but he was already teetering, so she gets to see a rosy blush spread across his cheeks. ]
...yeah. [ Like, to all of this. A beat as he tries to reconcile the fact that his adopted little sister understands him better than himself but considering Usagi also was the same. ]
Even when we were ghosts, that didn't really change. So of course it didn't change when we got revived either. Before I knew it we were having drinks together and...yeah. [ He laughs a little because how has he not maxed out his embarrassment stat yet. ] I think we were both surprised about the outcome and each other.
[Big bro is weirdly cute even if she still doesn't approve of his taste in men. So she'll regard his blush for a moment, taking it in, thinking things over.]
You really do care about people after all.
[Like, she knew he cared about her obviously, but for how much he insisted otherwise in the mansion it seems worth pointing out again.]
[ Who knew Marona would be committing murder post game. ]
What? I— [ He can't say no to her or about Subete, he can't say shut up because it's her so this is actually just the worst. There's a lot of huffing going on but eventually he does manage to string a sentence together. ]
Two barely qualifies as people. [ That really isn't the point and he knows but, really this is the only defense he has left. ]
[Tilting her head slightly as she looks at him. She did notice he only said two, but also it's her sisterly duty to pursue the scent of tsundere blood, so:]
Yea—no it's not that. It's just not usually something that happens, that's all. [ Read it's embarrassing. Hikage will just stare off to the side at this tree. ]
I know what to do about it! [ Oops now he's yelling but it's less yelling and more the sound of a dying tsundere. Also rip the little bit of composure he managed to get back. ]
Can we-is there anything else or do you understand now? [ Words are hard and this answers nothing but he's doing his best, probably. ]
[ He can't actually disappear into the woods because he doesn't want to leave her, but you know it's fine. Because what he can do is summon a kaleidoscope of black butterflies to hide in. There's some mumbling in Japanese she can hear too, between the beating of wings.
[ He laughs and it manages only to be a shade bitter. ]
I'm good at lying except when I shouldn't be, apparently. [ Here, he's going to fully hug her back now too. ]
I still think you deserve someone better than me, but I'll do what I can. I wouldn't have brought Subete, otherwise.
[ Would it have been easier not to? Yeah. But it's important for him to keep moving forward with the truth even if it's difficult and in this case the choice was twofold: he owed it to Subete and he owed it to Marona too because he should share things with people, even if he's being awkward about it.
Unfortunately lies are often easier than the truth, at least in Saphir's case. ]
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reanimania) wrote2020-06-18 07:45 am
Sibling Saturday
Trying to actually describe it would likely be another disaster in itself.
Half of it he doesn't want to deal with right now, because his obstinacy is a trait that's present in all his moods. But the other half...he knows there's a few apologies he owes, and maybe some other things too. So he hits Marona up on her cellphone in the morning to ask if she wants to spend the day with him exploring some waterfall trails. He's careful to word it so that it's clear it's just the two of them. Maybe he's learning from his mistakes already?
Small talk will do while they're en route to the trail, but it'll be clear just from banal chatter that Hikage's in a much better place than yesterday. Once they're secluded among the leaves and nature, Hikage will get right into it though. ]
Hey. Last night was-sorry. There's probably some questions you have for me, right?
Re: Sibling Saturday
...A few. I really wasn't expecting to see Mr. Subete of all people, too.
[Politely neutral, but that's the usual for her, has been since long before she came to this world. It's honed by years of learning not to pick fights with the people providing the money that feeds you, no matter how disparaging they may be.]
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I've never had to do this before, and if it wasn't you I wouldn't bother. [ This does not bode well for his talk with Saphir but one thing at a time. ] But you deserves answers...as much as I can provide anyway.
So ask what you want, unless you want me to start there. [ On why Subete, he means. He's going to keep moving in the meantime, never getting far ahead but inspecting plants and keeping an eye out for butterflies. He just really needs to keep in some kind of motion, for his sake. ]
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Poor Saphir.]
I think I would like to know how it started. He wasn't ever very nice to me.
[Which doesn't actually bother her in the sense that she's used to it, that's just her experience with him personally, and it shows in her actual level tone, not particularly controlled at the moment. Was he different when it came to Hikage?]
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That's....yeah. [ Off to a great start, he swallows and then tries again. ]
It was my fault. You remember what happened to me in the second trial, right? When I woke up after that I was-it was difficult to act how I had been, up until then. Feeling despair like that just made me want to break something, and Subete, well he was himself. He made some stupid comment about my eye and knelt down to get a better look, so I just reached out and read his memories.
I'm pretty sure he threw me in response, but it was worth it to catch him off guard. It was a game, after that. I saw something I wasn't supposed to, and I just wanted to go deeper and deeper. From then on, whatever I could do to get at him I would.
[ Another pause, but the source of this one is obvious; a text message that he looks at with a huff. A short time later after tapping out a response (he's still not fast with text but he doesn't need to be if his reply is short) and he continues. ]
...I know how to court others. Love and despair can easily go hand in hand, you know? I wasn't serious when I was talking with him, I just wanted to knock him off center again. You could say a similar thing happened with Saphir too.
I'm not really sure when that changed. I was never seriously interested in a relationship, let alone one with a man. I think at some point, I realized I couldn't stop. And that I didn't want to.
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...Were you... playing a game with him? [That's what it sounds like anyway, toying with someone.] But then... your feelings turned into something more?
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...yeah. [ Like, to all of this. A beat as he tries to reconcile the fact that his adopted little sister understands him better than himself but considering Usagi also was the same. ]
Even when we were ghosts, that didn't really change. So of course it didn't change when we got revived either. Before I knew it we were having drinks together and...yeah. [ He laughs a little because how has he not maxed out his embarrassment stat yet. ] I think we were both surprised about the outcome and each other.
But I don't regret it.
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You really do care about people after all.
[Like, she knew he cared about her obviously, but for how much he insisted otherwise in the mansion it seems worth pointing out again.]
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What? I— [ He can't say no to her or about Subete, he can't say shut up because it's her so this is actually just the worst. There's a lot of huffing going on but eventually he does manage to string a sentence together. ]
Two barely qualifies as people. [ That really isn't the point and he knows but, really this is the only defense he has left. ]
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You don't like having people you can care about?
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Can we-is there anything else or do you understand now? [ Words are hard and this answers nothing but he's doing his best, probably. ]
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laughing.
It's a quiet little sound, but definitely, without a doubt, a laugh.
RIP in fucking pieces big bro.]
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[ He can't actually disappear into the woods because he doesn't want to leave her, but you know it's fine. Because what he can do is summon a kaleidoscope of black butterflies to hide in. There's some mumbling in Japanese she can hear too, between the beating of wings.
Just a normal sibling Saturday. ]
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Can she wade through the black butterflies to him?]
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Also he is sir not speaking as she wades into the kaleidoscope (even in Japanese) so she'll need to say something first. ]
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There there.
[No escape.]
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...you're enjoying this aren't you.
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Yes.
...It's nice to see your soft side too sometimes.
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I'm not sure how it still exists. [ Quietly, almost inaudible above the sound of the butterflies. ]
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I'm glad it does. ...I don't think I could have trusted anyone again if it didn't.
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...hm?
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But... you were always so kind to me. A lot of people there were, but you saw my past and still accepted that.
If all of that turned out to be a lie... it would have been really hard to trust in anyone's kindness again.
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I'm good at lying except when I shouldn't be, apparently. [ Here, he's going to fully hug her back now too. ]
I still think you deserve someone better than me, but I'll do what I can. I wouldn't have brought Subete, otherwise.
[ Would it have been easier not to? Yeah. But it's important for him to keep moving forward with the truth even if it's difficult and in this case the choice was twofold: he owed it to Subete and he owed it to Marona too because he should share things with people, even if he's being awkward about it.
Unfortunately lies are often easier than the truth, at least in Saphir's case. ]