Because if it turns out that I can't actually change anything, then I'm going to be abandoned again, and I'm going to spend another fifteen years by myself failing to bring the Professor back, and then Jade and his new friends are going to kill me!
[ ...That last part isn't actually true, but the sidequest that shows he survived wasn't in the anime, so he doesn't know that. ]
Looking at that potential future really is useless. [ It's said more to himself even if he's not entirely averse to going down that rabbit hole. He's kind of made his own decision already as far as his future goes, if he gets that far. But that's something he doesn't plan to tell anyone because he's just this way.
But onto the now: ]
Then you have the safe option of going back with someone else. I'm sure someone would take you in if it came down to that.
[ He bristles slightly at that, though it's probably hard to see from where he's seated on the ground. ]
...I never really told you about the Score, did I? I think I only ever mentioned it offhandedly, because I never cared that much about it when all I was concerned with was following Jade.
[ And because he hadn't known how Hikage would have felt about it, and he didn't want to say anything that would make him decide against coming back to his world with him, but that... probably doesn't matter now. ]
My planet's entire future was written down two thousand years ago, and the future of every individual person is already recorded at the time of their birth. Every year on your birthday, a Scorer gives you a summary of every major event that's going to happen to you in the coming year. The religion and political systems and everything are all built around it, and some rely on its guidance for even the most minute decisions in their lives.
[ His voice is still somewhat weak and nasal, but at least he can manage to sound a little more collected when he's jut reciting facts about his own world. ]
While it isn't absolute after all, it still requires a drastic change that would directly affect the Planet Score to actually push its predictions off course, because it's able to self correct for minor aberrations.
So it's not-- it's not as simple as just writing it off as a potential future that can easily be changed.
[ He sighs, shaking his head. ]
Anyway, I don't want to go to anyone else's world. I'm tired of being a third wheel, and I'd run into the same issues I have here, but with the added negative of having to rebuild everything I already have.
That seems too convenient. I don't know the rules, but there's always a way to increase your odds, or cheat. [ Maybe it's kind of flippant but this isn't something he understands given his entire life. Even if he was fated to be miserable, there's no way someone or some greater power conspired to create an entire dimension just for him. ]
I would call everything the Foundation is wrapped up in, including our existence, "drastic" enough. [ Scoff. ]
Well, that's certainly my hope, but it also depends on exactly how we return. If we go back to exactly the point we came from without any of our memories from this world, then it's unlikely that anything will change at all.
[ But he... doesn't want to keep these new memories, honestly. If he could choose two or three to send himself back with as guideposts for changing his path, that would be one thing, but if it were a matter of merging this consciousness with his younger self's, or worse, replacing it, he thinks he might prefer to just erase his current self entirely. ]
No? Nearly everyone already has someone they like better, either in this world or theirs. But like I said, I'm not interested in starting over in some new place either.
[ That has given him something else to think over, which isn't great honestly. He doesn't want to deal with it right now and he spends several moments pulling out his phone, texting something and then sliding it back into his pocket. ]
I don't know what to tell you, Saphir. If that's the way you see your future then accept it or break it. You don't need to like Subete and you don't need to like that we're together, nor do you need to understand it. I said what I said last night because it's the truth, and it's not changing. For as long as we're in this world we'll be together—those are the words we gave to each other.
I can pick up Marona whenever you're not around for the rest of this week.
[ ...No, he supposes they're not. They'd always been the one thing he'd held onto, though. He'd never been able to see any future that wasn't tied to the past... or, well, maybe it's more that he'd just never wanted to try. ]
I don't either! And I hate being like this too, you know! I just-- I wish I could at least be sure of anything like I used to be.
[ He just kind of buries his face in his knees after that, and tunes out everything after "you don't need to like Subete" because good, they're on the same page if they leave it there.
There's a bit of a delay, but Marona's name manages to snap him back to attention once he registers it. He raises his head again, blinking. ]
...fine. I don't need your support, but I'm not going to just take you disparaging us. [ That's what set him off last night, because he does have a protective streak. ]
I could buy the actual arcade machine of the game if I wanted. [ But he's not going to repeat that he came here for them, so that inference will have to do. ]
...you don't need to say that, but thanks. [ A minute shake of his head. ]
See you later. [ He absolutely should be doing more here and he knows it, but this is pretty much his limit as things are. So with that he'll walk off and call a Lyft to a park or someplace nearby. ]
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reanimania) wrote2020-06-18 07:45 am
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[ ...That last part isn't actually true, but the sidequest that shows he survived wasn't in the anime, so he doesn't know that. ]
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But onto the now: ]
Then you have the safe option of going back with someone else. I'm sure someone would take you in if it came down to that.
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...I never really told you about the Score, did I? I think I only ever mentioned it offhandedly, because I never cared that much about it when all I was concerned with was following Jade.
[ And because he hadn't known how Hikage would have felt about it, and he didn't want to say anything that would make him decide against coming back to his world with him, but that... probably doesn't matter now. ]
My planet's entire future was written down two thousand years ago, and the future of every individual person is already recorded at the time of their birth. Every year on your birthday, a Scorer gives you a summary of every major event that's going to happen to you in the coming year. The religion and political systems and everything are all built around it, and some rely on its guidance for even the most minute decisions in their lives.
[ His voice is still somewhat weak and nasal, but at least he can manage to sound a little more collected when he's jut reciting facts about his own world. ]
While it isn't absolute after all, it still requires a drastic change that would directly affect the Planet Score to actually push its predictions off course, because it's able to self correct for minor aberrations.
So it's not-- it's not as simple as just writing it off as a potential future that can easily be changed.
[ He sighs, shaking his head. ]
Anyway, I don't want to go to anyone else's world. I'm tired of being a third wheel, and I'd run into the same issues I have here, but with the added negative of having to rebuild everything I already have.
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I would call everything the Foundation is wrapped up in, including our existence, "drastic" enough. [ Scoff. ]
Wouldn't you be a second one, in most cases?
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[ But he... doesn't want to keep these new memories, honestly. If he could choose two or three to send himself back with as guideposts for changing his path, that would be one thing, but if it were a matter of merging this consciousness with his younger self's, or worse, replacing it, he thinks he might prefer to just erase his current self entirely. ]
No? Nearly everyone already has someone they like better, either in this world or theirs. But like I said, I'm not interested in starting over in some new place either.
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[ That has given him something else to think over, which isn't great honestly. He doesn't want to deal with it right now and he spends several moments pulling out his phone, texting something and then sliding it back into his pocket. ]
I don't know what to tell you, Saphir. If that's the way you see your future then accept it or break it. You don't need to like Subete and you don't need to like that we're together, nor do you need to understand it. I said what I said last night because it's the truth, and it's not changing. For as long as we're in this world we'll be together—those are the words we gave to each other.
I can pick up Marona whenever you're not around for the rest of this week.
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I don't either! And I hate being like this too, you know! I just-- I wish I could at least be sure of anything like I used to be.
[ He just kind of buries his face in his knees after that, and tunes out everything after "you don't need to like Subete" because good, they're on the same page if they leave it there.
There's a bit of a delay, but Marona's name manages to snap him back to attention once he registers it. He raises his head again, blinking. ]
W-what do you mean when I'm not around?
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[ He's kind of said it already but if he needs to be more blunt then that's fine too. ]
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[ And because if you get used to not having him around and realize how much better things are without him then you'll never come back again-- ]
Don't take this away from me!
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...fine. I don't need your support, but I'm not going to just take you disparaging us. [ That's what set him off last night, because he does have a protective streak. ]
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Fine, just-- don't rub it in my face on purpose, please.
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I won't. But I'm not going to pretend for your sake, either. [ After a final look at the sky he separates himself from the pillar. ]
We have plans tonight, but I can see about sometime during the week.
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[ It probably clearly isn't, but whatever. ]
We still need to play that game, since you came all the way here for it, so...
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I'll pick up another controller too.
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[ He looks up from his spot in the grass and forces a smile. ]
W-well. I guess I'll see you then.
[ ... ]
Have a good time.
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See you later. [ He absolutely should be doing more here and he knows it, but this is pretty much his limit as things are. So with that he'll walk off and call a Lyft to a park or someplace nearby. ]